Faking Fantasy

Edie (est. Texas, 1996)

September 3, 2012 4:57 pm

Plot Twist

“Oh hey. Look at those Indians over there. They look happy. They’ve probably been here for a long time. We should leave them alone since this land is already taken. We should head back to England and have ourselves a cup of tea.”

August 23, 2012 12:06 am

Elementary was nothing like Recess.

Middle school was nothing like Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide.

High school was nothing like High School Musical.

And I bet college is nothing like the preview of Monster’s Inc 2.


I want a refund.

August 20, 2012 1:53 pm

What I expect every time I hear a Drake song:

“Aauungh fuck that nigga that loves the square root of 69 aauuungh last name ever first name YOLO aauuungh hug me brotha”

August 11, 2012 9:44 pm

“Screw you,” I say to the skinny girls on Tumblr, a handful of Goldfish stuffed in my mouth.

August 7, 2012 8:22 pm

A poem to my haters

You are the Zubat above my head,
the Weedle beneath my feet,
but sadly there’s no Antidote in my Bag
and now I’m both Poisoned and Confused

When I look into the water,
I see your reflection
in the form of a Magikarp
holding an Everstone

June 27, 2012 1:53 am
  • Stomach: "I desire food."
  • Me: "But my lord... You already ate tacos earlier. How could you still be hungry?"
  • Stomach: "Fetch me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!"
  • Me: "But my lord... It's 12:50 at night and everyone is asleep-"
  • Stomach: "You think I CARE?"
  • Me: "But my lord... It's dark... How am I supposed to see?"
  • Stomach: "Let the light of the fridge guide you."
June 24, 2012 12:18 pm

I bet one day in the distant future, people will think 11:11 was some wish-granting god that teenagers worshipped.

June 11, 2012 11:05 am

My relationship.

June 9, 2012 10:26 pm

Pickup lines I’ve thought about using on my Mexican boyfriend:

  • You’re the only Juan that I want.
  • There’s Jose I’ll ever want to leave you.
  • In queso an emergency, I want you to know that I love you.
  • Is that a churro in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
  • Is there room in that poncho for two?
  • Let’s be a taco. I’ll be the shell and you can be the meat.

May 27, 2012 7:15 pm

I have a feeling that a large majority of people on Tumblr get sunburnt easily.

May 26, 2012 4:50 pm
  • Me: *sob* I'm so fat.
  • *comforts self with more food*
May 8, 2012 11:15 pm
  • Dad: "If you could be an Avenger, which one would you be?"
  • Me: "Nick Fury."
  • Dad: "Because you want to be the one in charge of it all?"
  • Me: "No. I'd get to wear an eyepatch. AND be black."
April 24, 2012 8:38 am
  • Me: *stays home all day
  • Parents: "Get out of the house! Why do you never do anything?!"
  • ***
  • Me: *goes out for a day
  • Parents: "You're never home! Don't you think you need to take a break from doing stuff??"
April 23, 2012 8:03 pm

Gave that bitch a compliment.

Bitches love compliments.

April 16, 2012 8:31 pm

I wonder if hookers ever use the term “fuck bitches, get money”?